Bravery

a badge of honor or a time in your life you were scared shitless

It’s been 3 months since I quit my job, moved out of my apartment, sold all my belongings and packed my car to move across the country. It started as a fun idea.. My lease is up; I’m not sure where I want to move. And one day I am talking about moving to German Village (a cute neighborhood in Columbus) to thinking what about Seattle? I started telling my friends and family and every time was just as hard as the last. Why would I leave so much good to go somewhere so unknown? Everyone would say,”You’re so brave! I’m so happy for you! I could NEVER do that!”

I found myself often thinking, Am I brave? I don’t feel brave at all. I’m actually really scared. But then a friend said to me, “Bravery is being scared but doing it anyway.” I felt scared, nervous, excited, and hopeful all at the same time. And thats when I realized that is what bravery feels like… It feels like boldly stepping into the unknown, unsure of what is to come, scared to be left behind, or to have to pivot and feel like a failure… It feels like excitement and hope for the future… It feels like What if everything actually does work out?

I would have moments of thinking, maybe I could be happy staying here, doing this job for the rest of my life, traveling when I can… But then in my heart I could feel the resistance. Fear had me pulling back wanting to stay in the comfort of familiartity. The new path looked hard and uncomfortable but my soul was begging me to leave. That moment when I realized it actually might be even more uncomfortable to stay was the moment that sealed it. And I still have days where I question all the choices I’ve made but it always comes back to this. If we aren’t moving forward, where are we going?

I often question why I seem to always do things the hardest way possible. I tend to go all in without looking back And in learning this bout myself the hard path starts to smooth itself out and it gets smoother as I go. Roadblocks start to look more like arrows pointing in another direction instead of hurdles to jump over. There is ALWAYS another solution available to a problem. Sometimes we just have to dig a little deeper to find it. Eventually the new roads become familiar, places we enjoy become our go-to’s and we start weaving this framework of familiarity and it grows into a web of connection.

Every day when I wake up and look out my window at the sea of evergreen making its way to the Puget sound or I walk into a coffee shop buzzing with energy or I explore a farmers market alive with the joy of community… I remember. I don’t doubt my decision at all. I’m forever grateful for that one act of bravery because it led me to where I am right now and I know that I am right where I am supposed to be!